Someone You'd Like To Raise A Goldfish With
by Lupin3black
Summary: To be honest, Sirius was really drunk when he slept with Remus, the IT guy where he works. But, that's not going to make him want to stop. Humor and Fluff SBRL slash NOW A ONE SHOT
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One-Bacon Sandwhiches

The sun barged in through slightly opened curtains and punched Sirius Black's retina's in the metaphorical face, causing him to wake in the most unconventional way possible, he groaned as he woke, his nerves being immediately assaulted with an onslaught of pain and agony. The ebony haired man quickly closed his eyes in the hopes of getting back to sleep and avoiding the whole 'morning after' pain but it was a petty attempt as the sun was indignant at being ignored and stormed through his closed eyelids anyway.

'Bastard.' Sirius thought bitterly as his eyes peeled open for the second time this morning, he moved a little to the right and was treated to the best possible sight that could ever of happened to a man in his current state, a glass of wonderful room-temperature water and two, absolutely beautiful looking pills that he automatically recognised as paramol. The twenty-eight year old struggled upwards, hand reaching out for the glass of water and pills. He was just in the middle of realising how much his mouth tasted like a dead fish's handbag when he realised-wait, who the hell put them there?

And then he thought, 'I must've picked someone up!' And was treated to a mild moment of euphoric glee when the memories of last night hit him, he could feel the soft lips against his own and-hold on a moment, he was at the OFFICE party. Emphasis on the 'OFFICE', he works in a secondary school, there isn't many people he could take home as the place is full of old ladies and creepy men with slightly impressive moustaches-oh wait.

Remus.

Remus the IT guy.

And now he remembers it, the whispers of, "We shouldn't be doing this..." mixed with his own hushed murmurs of not caring and Remus's protests completely fled when he kissed him in the shadows of hall. "People'll see, Sirius." Remus had muttered and so Sirius, desperate for more of Remus's intoxicating kisses, took him to his flat.

Well, now he was fucked.

He looked at the ground and spotted the pain white shirt and mentally swore because hadn't Remus been wearing that last night? Oh god, he was genuinely fucked, he was fucked so much that he didn't even care about the bastarding sun anymore because Remus, he'd slept with Remus, the guy he'd been wanting to sleep with since the sandy-haired man had started at the place almost a year and a half ago once had finally retired, all smiles and nerdy tee-shirts, unconsciously making all the girls at Beabaxton's Academy for Girls, as well as Sirius, fall in love with him.

And it was made even worse by the fact that, Remus was genuinely nice person! Who Sirius wanted to take out on dates and hold his hand in the park and own a dogs with, or maybe a fish because Sirius isn't good with animals. Someone, who Sirius wanted-dare he say it-a relationship with.

Suddenly, he couldn't get his head around the idea rattling around I'm his fried skull, making the pain almost completely unbearable, so he struggled upright and bit his lip when he realised that, yeah. He was naked. He swallowed the pills with a large gulp of water and almost spat it out because-

-oh god, he smelled bacon.

Never mind a relationship, he wanted to freaking MARRY this guy! Because bacon with a hangover was like-was like-this early in the morning Sirius failed to administer a proper simile to fit such a heavenly treat like that. His mouth-now rid of the taste of the handbag belonging to a dead fish- watered at the thought of crispy brown toast slathered with butter with a heap of pink, chewy bacon resting on top covered with obscene amounts of ketch-up and: fuck, he's drooling.

Sirius gets up and pulls on last nights boxers, as well as his jeans when something black and rectangular falls from the pocket; his phone. He decides it may be a good idea to text James Potter, his best friend, as he's always helped him in his times of need, although don't tell him that.

To; Wanker (James) From; Sexy bastard

Help me dickhead! I slept with Remus, the IT guy!

Sun 11:59 AM

To; Tosser (Sirius) From; Stunning

Fuck off, I'm tired.

Sun 12:03 PM

"Thanks for your words of wisdom, you utter twat." Sirius mumbles at his phone before squaring his shoulders and heading to the kitchen of his flat, following the smell of glorious bacon with his nose, where he's greeted to the most beautiful sight he has ever been greeted to first thing in the morning.

Remus John Lupin, the IT guy, is wearing not only his boxers, but a white tee-shirt belonging to Sirius that it drips off one of his shoulders and exposes a collar bone, decorated in hickies that Sirius can see when the younger man spins around and gives him a sheepish smile, blushing when he notices that Sirius is slightly-kinda-maybe-shirtless. "Morning Sirius! I hope you don't mind, but I made bacon sandwiches. Do you want one?" And his smile is so beautiful and genuine that Sirius can only nod as he lowered himself into one of the chairs at his table.

"Yeah-uh-yeah, that'd be nice." Sirius croaks and Remus grins at him before spinning around to the stove again, the ebony-haired man is glad that he sat down because he knows his knees would have buckled. The silence behind them is comfortable which Sirius is grateful for because when he usually has a one-night stand stay behind he usually has to ask them to leave, very awkwardly so.

But of course, he doesn't really want Remus to be a one-night stand.

(Pagebreak)

They eat breakfast-or is it lunch by now?- slowly, laughing at something each other has said through mouthfuls of beautiful, glorious greasy bacon tang makes Sirius want to cry as his headache magically disappears and he feels a little more human now. It feels as if they've been daring for years and have slipped into a wonderfully easy routine.

Sirius wants that to be permanent.

When Remus finally disappears into Sirius's bedroom to get dressed, Sirius remains at the table, attempting to work up the courage to ask for Remus's number, a date if he's bold enough. Because he wants something like this, something a bit more real than he usually has and to be honest he's fancied Remus for a whole now, and even though James would tease him for a while for dating a nerd (because Remus had a whole range of superhero tee-shirts and reads comics during his tea-breaks and it's not creepy at all that he knows that) it'd be nice to have someone to come home too and have someone to text if he's running late-

And, and there's Remus now. Grinning at him shyly as he holds a yellow post-it with his number scrawled across it, leaving him with his heart beating painfully fast and oh god. This man's wonderful.

**A/N**

**I shouldn't be starting anything new, but I wanted to do something funny and cute where they start dating without having to do the whole build-up towards it. **

**Please R-E-V-I-E-W!**

**-lupin3black **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Hi Remus." Sirius says, as he arrives at the entrance to the carnival, trying to sounding nonchalant but instead managing to come off as choked and hurried. He berates himself slightly but flashes Remus a charming smile in an attempt to distract the tawny-haired man from his mistake, it appeared to work, as Remus greeted him him with his own 600-watt smile that kicked Sirius in the metaphorical face it was that strong.

Sirius isn't really sure what he's supposed to say right now, "You look lovely." He'd say if it was a woman, but it's not, he's managed to score a man and he thinks it's a bit too feminine to say to a bloke that's taller than him-although, Remus does look lovely in a red plaid shirt buttons to the throat and a pair of light brown trousers that make his legs go on forever.

Sirius feels small for a moment, but then realises that he's almost twice as stocky as Remus is and decides to let his moment of masculine insecurity go for now. He decides to forego the compliments incase Remus felt like he was being treated like a woman-'god, is that sexist?Okay, never mind Sirius, just take him into the fair and try and not be your usual rude self'-

"Do you want to go in then? Or, if you'd like to eat first there's a diner over there?" Remus beats him to saying the opening lines but Sirius is glad that one of them had the manners to do it so they both wouldn't stand there, giving each other awkward grins as they eyed each other up.

"Why don't we go on first? We may throw up if we decide to go on anything and we've already eating." Sirius says and Remus nods, his smile faltering slightly but then returning full force, Sirius notices-but decides not to comment. Sirius splays his arms out, bowing dramatically to cover up his embarrassment.

"After you, m'lady." He says, in a deep growling tone, a mischievous glint in his eye as Remus throws his head back and lets a sound out that is far to joyful and musical to be classed as a laugh but Sirius supposes that a laugh is the closest thing to describe it. Straightening up, the ebony-haired man debates it for a second before grabbing Remus's hand in his own.

Remus looks down at their clasped hands and grins, but doesn't say anything. "Mum'll be glad, managed to pick up someone with manners this time!" He says humorously, walking into the fairground with their fingers still entangled so Sirius was forced to walk with him-not that he didn't want to. Sirius was ignoring the shocked whispers of 'Is that Professor Black and Mister Lupin! Holding hands? Oooh! Do you reckon they're together!'

"We probably should've went somewhere quieter-we're probably going to run into every bloody student there is at Beaubaxtons, not to mention most of my family." Sirius said grumpily, tightening his fingers around Remus's palm and pulling him along the muddy grass, Remus bumps his hip against his when he manages to fall into step with him.

"What-do you not want to be seen with me?" Remus asks lightly, his tone teasing and filled to the brim with caution, "Are you Professors too good for the lowly IT peasants?" Remus looks at him and grins easily, but his eyes are showing how he curious he really is about the matter.

"Of course not-idiot. I want people to see that I managed to nab you-just not the students. They're fucking mental-they'll 'ship' us to the extremes. We'll be finding fan art and fanfiction on our desks by early Monday-just wait." Sirius says honestly, shaking his head in despair when Remus lets out a laugh that slightly tinged with relief. The ebony-haired man feels a strong emotion that's too much like pride to be realistic fill his lungs with every exhale and in inhale.

"You laugh-but wait until you read their m-rated scenes, they're...they're strangely good. It's...weird." Sirius shudders, his mind being filled of images that teenaged girls had forced into his mind...the positions...the sounds...the imagined look on his bed partner's face...

"Have you been written about before?" Remus asks, unable to keep the laughter from infiltrating before, "Who have they been pairing you with?" He asked curiously, turning to look at Sirius when he shuddered.

"I've got real bad memories of the first one..." Sirius said frowning, "I think it was Snape-"

"The chemistry teacher?! The one that seems to want me dead?" Remus butted in incredulously, raising his eyebrows at Sirius who in turn nodded, a look of utter despair writing itself across his sun-tanned face.

"He seems to want everyone dead, don't think you're special." Sirius said, tugging Remus towards a particularly big roller coaster-fuck, that looks really scary-"But I didn't come here to talk about Snape and his pathetic attempts of socialisation, tell me about you." He says smoothing, dragging Remus into the line.

Remus stares up at the ride and gulps before fixing a determined smile on his face and turning to Sirius who doesn't miss how strained the smile is, or how his voice wobbles slightly, "W-well, I was b-born-"

"You're afraid of these things." Sirius states knowingly, he'd thought it earlier but now he knew for sure, observing how pale Remus is, comparing it with the shaking of his hands and the look of sheer terror on his face-which was probably the most obvious clue to be honest- looking at Remus apologetically. "Ah-I'm sorry Rem, had I known that I wouldn't have brought you to an amusement park. Kind of a crappy first date for you-"

"No-no! I'm not afraid-"

"You're just petrified."

"...yeah. Sorry Sirius, I'm terrified of these things." Remus admits, biting at his lip and staring up at the overly large metal contraption hovering before him in swirling loops, "I mean, I'll still go on it if you want me to-"

"I wouldn't make you do that, Remus, don't be an idiot. I'm not that much of a dick." Sirius says fondly, pulling Remus out of the line and strolling along the damp

field ground with Remus by his side, towards all the games, "Come on, I'll win you a teddy.".

(Page break)

"Cheating rotten good-for-nothing-bastard." Sirius mutters grumpily, from his place opposite Remus in the 70's style diner, Remus chuckled fondly, reaching over to ruffle Sirius's perfectly styled hair.

"Give over, Sirius. You didn't have to win me anything, I'm not a bird you've taken out." Remus says exasperatedly, his grin over taking the majority of his face, Sirius remembers what he thought earlier but lets it go. He drags his hand down his face and still offers forth a sheepish grin.

"I know you're not. But still! How come you managed to win like eight, and I couldn't even knock done one?" Sirius complained with a light voice as he mock-glared at the cuddly-toys taking up most of the room in Remus's side of the booth. He took a sip of his diet coke and leaned back with his arms across his chest.

"It's only about three." Remus says modestly, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "Anyway, maybe you just have terrible aim?" He suggests and Sirius is about to flip him off when he hears it-

-the voice

-the voice that will ruin any chance at a relationship he has with Remus by being horrendously overprotective and intimidating.

James.

"Hey-Padfoot! I didn't know you where here?!"

'Don't slide into the booth James, oh hey Harry-no, stay there. Can't you tell when you aren't wanted?!' Sirius mentally screams at the boy who is grinning at him oh-so-innocently as he slips in beside him and Harry wriggles in beside Remus who looks horrendously uncomfortable.

"James! Lovely to see you-now go away!" Sirius crows but James ignores them in favour of leaning over and holding his hand out for Remus to shake. "James Potter, Sirius's brother."

Remus nods, "Remus Lupin. Pleasure to meet you-uh, again. We went to school together." Remus looks steadily confident as he pumps James's hand and James's face drops into a look of shock and delight.

"Moons! God mate, where'd you go!?" James exclaimed and Remus pulls away shrugging.

"After that stunt you pulled in fifth year, my mother sent me to Cornwall to stay with my aunt, forbidding me to ever 'converse with that horrid boy, he could've killed you!'" Remus answers, grinning. Sirius feels a little left out, having come into James's family, at the brooding age of seventeen and completely missing young Remus-which sounds utterly delicious and he's vaguely jealous that he missed that,yum.

"Oh-that was fun. You gotta admit that was fun." James says and Remus shrugs, shaking his head.

"It was immature, dangerous and we nearly broke our necks." A grin pulled at his lips and he gave in, "But yeah. It was fun."

"Did you win, all these?" Harry's voice pipes up,m

and Remus turns to look at him, and the seven-year old blushes and squirms back in his seat.

"Sure did, bud. You want one?" Remus asks kindly and Harry nods his head.

"Yes please!"

Sirius groans mentally, knowing that it won't so much as be a date between Remus and Sirius. But a date between Remus, Sirius, AND Harry and James.

Ew.

(Pagebreak)

"I'm sorry it wasn't just us." Sirius apologises after he's walked Remus to the door of his apartment, their fingers interlocked. James and Harry and stayed the whole time, even going as far as coming back to the bar with them for a drink after leaving Harry home, "I tried to send him messages with my mind but he was either ignoring me or he wasn't getting them."

Remus laughs and fidgets with his keys, "No-no it's fine. Honestly. It was good to catch up with James." Remus looks down and Sirius knows in his gut that this is it, that Remus is going to end whatever they had together because Sirius is such a crappy date and oh merlin Sirius doesn't want that-"I had fun."

Sirius swallows audibly, "Me-me too. We should definitely do this again sometime?" He offers forth and Remus takes it with a cheeky grin.

"So uh-do you want to come up for coffee?" Remus asks forwardly, and Sirius blinks before a slow smile stretches over his face.

"Yeah I'd love coffee."

"You know I'm not actually going to give you coffee."

"...I knew that."

**A/N **

**So I haven't died guys! Yah! Wooo! Please review like always and I will try and update faster! I'm sorry this is kinda rubbish but I'll update with something good soon. I've been having all sorts of ideas and urg. Yes. I will update. **

** -Lupin3black**


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